Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Desolation Meets Serenity up New Zealand's East Coast






We decided to take the long way to Gisborne by driving up the scenic (and ridiculously windy) coastal highways. We were met by brilliant sunshine, crystalline streams, majestic cliffs, idyllic beaches, feral ponies, women screaming, dense fog, a church with a bloodstained pulpit (the reverend was hanged, beheaded, then, if that weren't enough, his eyes were gouged out and eaten), rusty abandoned cars, creepy elderly mannequins and cows completely at a standstill on the highway, twice. Sans the bizarre happenings, the east coast is renowned for it's wide open spaces and small populations. We would often drive for stretches of over 60 kilometers (37.3 miles, if you wondered) and not see another human being, which is eerie on an island so small. It's also heavily Maori, namely the Ngati Porou tribe live along the coast while the Tuhoe dominate the interior. We have already seen a dozen or more Marae (elaborately carved Maori meeting houses) as well as tons of bilingual schools. The east coast is in no way a tourist draw, admittedly, we drove through entire towns before we realized we had, so I feel Katie made the right decision in leading us to this clandestine and often unexplored region. That evening we landed at the ghetto fabulous Te Araroa Holiday Park complete with rundown toilets, rusted vehicles, windows that don't close, a lady that sells fish and chips out of her caravan and many other eager and chatty permanent characters (residents).
The next morning we roused ourselves at 550am in order to be the first people on earth to see the sunrise that day. This involved a terrifying drive through the pitch-black on narrow, unguarded cliff-side dirt roads for about an hour. It was here, in the absolute middle of nowhere, that we ran into our French (or outerspace) friend Romain (another post will be dedicated solely to this strange, strange French giant) naked in his van. As the dawn neared, it became apparent to us that we weren't going to see much on account of the ominous gray skies. We sat in the car (not wanting to walk up the mountain to the lighthouse), counted down to the sunrise, of which we saw nothing and then took the dangerous track back to the highway. The day was rainy, cold and gray. We visited an Anglican church whose interior was decorated with Maori carvings, we stopped in Ruatoria, famous for it's politically active Maori population, many of whom subscribe to Rastafarian religion. (The white folks around here warned us not to linger in this “dangerous” area, but having lived alongside the Bronx for over a year, I felt I could handle it) We ate delicious, flaky and warm bacon and egg Ruatoria pies and continued on our monochromatic journey. We bypassed the longest pier in New Zealand and some famous beaches on account of the billowy fog. We drove through the wee town of Whangara and alongside Wainui beach (both featured prominently in the wonderful book/movie The Whale Rider) and arrived in Gisborne before noon.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Why I Adore Anthony



He is always so adorably cheerful in the morning and he makes the best breakfast
He is an artistic genius
He can rock people's faces off and melt their brains
He intelligently challenges ideas and beliefs
He brings me whiskey when I get laid off
He unashamedly loves Taco Bell and KFC
He never complains when I made him listen to Tori Amos in the car for hours
He never gets mad when I fall asleep during the first 15 minutes of a movie
He is an excellent teacher
He doesn't mind spending 20 hours a day in bed sometimes
He is hilarious
He makes the best faces

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Trivial Matters

Our last night in Papamoa/Tauranga we decided to have a bit of hometown fun and try our luck at New Zealand trivia. We assembled a hodge-podge team of international elite, named them the Drunken Clams, and grabbed beers all around. I dreamily reminisced about The Squire and Trivia Dan as well as Spanky's and that trivia master who eats too many hamburgers and is never impressed with our cheeky answers as we failed to answer a single New Zealand politics/cricket/rugby question correctly. Out of 19 teams we came in an (I feel) very respectable 14th and won the drawing for a $25 bar tab.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Simply Beautiful


Fall is my favorite season and in my mind autumn days burn fiery red memories and their searing yet chilling winds linger on into the winter. It was on one of these memorable yet rare fall days that we decided to climb Mount Maunganui. The Mount sits on the end of a long skinny inlet, surrounded by water on three sides. As we sluggishly climbed to the summit the warm sun competed with the icy air and crunchy leaves swirled hypnotically around the path. From the top we could see the town Mt. Maunganui, White Island, Tauranga and our home, Papamoa. It was stunning and serene. As we climbed back down we had to stop for a flock of passing sheep and once we had made it to the base we sat on the white sandy beach and ate coconut gelato. Perfect.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Unwinding Amongst the Kiwis




On Friday, we were finally released from the fuzzy, citrusy shackles of the kiwi factory. In the last fifteen minutes of work, our bosses sent ping pong balls with cute messages written on them (“no hanky panky”, “well done” and good on ya'”) up the conveyor belts and we proceeded to pelt each other with them until the last bell of the season heralded its sweet dulcet sounds of freedom. We were giggly and elated, like children on the last day of school, as we left work that day, grateful to never again return.
That afternoon the pack house hosted a Hangi, which is a traditional Maori barbecue. A hole is dug in the ground, firewood is placed over it in a crisscross pattern and rocks are laid over the wood. The fire is lit and the wood eventually burns away, leaving steaming hot rocks. At this point wire mesh baskets filled with different types of meat, potatoes, kumara, and stuffing are lowered on to the rocks and covered with damp bedsheets (bedsheets are not wholly traditional, obviously). The entire lot is buried in the ground and left to cook for a few hours. What emerges from the earth is a smoky, earthy shmorgasboard of delicious. But before the Hangi was ready there was always the Kiwi tradition of drinking heaps of booze.
We walked into the factory which had been totally transformed for the Hangi. The entire upstairs had been cleared out and replaced by a bar made from giant wooden crates and green kiwi boxes, there were tables made from old crates placed on their side, many with a few kiwis still left in them. Our normally grumpy coworkers were laughing and drinking and smoking and dancing, donning skirts and makeup in lieu of hairnets and latex gloves. And drink we did, let me tell you, middle aged Kiwi women know how to let loose. By the end of the party I was stumbling around the fire and no doubt slurring my words as I bid my lovely coworkers goodbye showering them with hugs and well wishes.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Top Ten Beam Moments


In no order whatsoever

1. Seeing Iggy Pop's 60+ year old body spasmodically writhe around the stage
2. Making the ground shake with our dancing at the Nancy
3. Drinking with the Coney Island Hot Dog eating contestants
4. Painting your face on the steps of Union Square
5. Marvelling at your mother's 10,000 Christmas decorations (my fave, the foil star)
6. Getting the boot at the Continental
7. Happy hours at Company
8. Spritejitos at Coney Island
9. Endless GChats at work
10. Being your chicken friend bagel for life

Monday, June 1, 2009

Beesin and Boozin


Interesting fact about bees, they are one of the few animals that get drunk willingly, hell, they love it. While I was picking grapes I found many a dead bee, their tiny little arms clutching the berry while their heads were stuck as far inside the fermented grape as they could get.

They had drank themselves to death.