Green Lipped and Soaking Wet

New Zealand's seafood industry is thriving and several factors contribute to its plentiful ocean bounty. The country is sparsely populated (beach fronts are often home to cows and sheep) which enables the proliferation and maturation of seafood. Also, New Zealand is a relatively new country and many pains and regulations have been put in place to ensure that the environments are fertile and the industry remains sustainable.

The combination of abundant seafood and lax daily allowances make a free meal for a backpacker just a beach away. Today we went to White's Bay (30 minutes from our hostel in Spring Creek) to collect New Zealand's famous green lipped mussels. As you approach the rocky outcropping you notice tiny black shells covering the rocks like snake scales, I can only assume those are baby mussels. Closer toward the water line is where the bigger ones reside, there are literally hundreds of thousands all wedged together, some on top of others like crusty banana bunches. Most of them are as big as your hand.

So, how hard can it be to collect some motionless shelled creatures from along the beach on a beautiful sunny day? Ha! First of all, going at low tide is imperative as mussels choose to make their homes along the most dauntingly sharp and steep rocks they can “find”. Secondly, the tiny hairs that attach themselves are more like cement than delicate fibrous strands. Thirdly, crabs and other tiny creatures inhabit the same jagged rocks and have no qualms about scuttling across your hands. Lastly, it is foolish to think that low tide is synonymous with no tide.

Equipped with sandals, a plastic bag and my cutest beach outfit I perilously wedged myself and my sandaled toes between razor sharp rocks just above tide line, bracing myself against the rocks I bent down as far as I could to reach the submerged mussels. It was then that I quickly re-acquainted myself with the crashing waves, then the rocks, then the crabs. I couldn't help thinking that just down the road I could catch myself a kilo of mussels for $2.99. Laughing, soaked and raw fingered I headed home with my mussel posse and three full bags to eat ourselves into a crustacean coma.

W(h)ine

Today at work I reminisced about days way back in March when I harvested grapes for Stonyridge vineyard and my friend John called it, “a dreams job for realsville” and it was true, we took our sweet time under the shade of the mature vines and painstakingly examined each cluster of grapes in between bursts of laughter and conversation, they fed us lunch and supplied us with beer at the end of each day, a Dionysian paradise right here on earth... (cue soft focus and a gentle yet perky violin quartet) this is me recounting fond memories from “good old days” gone by. Good old days that seem increasingly unreal the more I try to focus in on them.

Blenheim, the heart of Marlborough, is the viticulture capital of New Zealand. Obscene amounts of wine pour from its valleys, each vintage supplying Kiwi's and those abroad with enough alcohol to keep them good and soused until the next. These massive estates hire out contracting services that send out their middle men to recruit the cheapest labor force possible, this is where the backpackers and Malaysians come in. Gathered by the dozens in the wee hours of the morning we are shipped to expansive vineyards to complete paradoxically simple yet backbreaking work on endless rows of plants. What appears to be the easy task of sliding a green tube-shaped bag onto a bamboo stick and over a budding plant is actually a sadistic order to hunch over into a thousand or so lunges until you can't decide whether your thighs, knees, back or calves hurt more.

Sometimes the labor is paid by the hourly minimum wage (which is currently $12.50/hour) and sometimes it is paid per plant completed either as a team or as an individual. The going rate tends to be 3-4 cents for the easier jobs, like the one listed above. Trust me, you are ecstatic if you can earn over one hundred dollars a day. It's enlightening in the sense that if you haven't engaged in habitual manual labor you can't understand what it does to your mind and body (I have only had its acrid seething taste grace my tongue), However, this is the life that millions of people toil under without ever earning enough to sufficiently care for their family. It's shocking to be a part of the dredges of this vast, bottomless abyss of an economic system we so eagerly abide.

Halloween is Fun Fun Fun!

Halloween is by far my favorite holiday of the year. I would give up Thanksgiving and Christmas for biannual Halloween (as a compromise I would be satisfied if we stepped up our Mardi Gras shenanigans). Unfortunately, I am accustomed to meeting people who do not share my level of enthusiasm for the celebration (I know you feel my pain Rae Rae) but I was extremely disheartened to hear that no one else in the world (looking at you Germany) really cares about Halloween at all. We Americans allied with some awesome Brits to introduce Halloween proper to the rest of Swampy's.

Oh, I was a tree.

Eels Up Inside Ya, Findin' an Entrance Where They Can

New Zealand rivers are swimming (punny!) with slithery, near blind, toothy eels. The stuff of nightmares endemic to an otherwise gentle country. I have always thought of eels as blood-thirsty, murderous demon creature of the deep (no thanks to the Princess Bride) but I also know that unagi is absolutely heavenly, so you can imagine my contradicting emotions while I was getting ready for some good old-fashioned night eel fishing.

Angling aficionados need not apply to this rather rudimentary endeavor. Eels are not clever, they can't see and they eat nearly anything (including cat food). Basically, you need meat (rotten is fine), a hook and some line. Almost comically, plop goes the bait and out comes a writhing, angry eel.

The hard part is getting them off the hook, they are incredibly slippery and strong, they curl around your hand like a lubed up snake. After battling to get the hook out of their mouth my friend Bene recommends sticking a knife through their skull to crush their tiny brain, but be aware that they don't stop moving. THAT is the stuff of nightmares. The next morning, after a night in the fridge in a plastic bag their headless bodies were still quivering. Again, badass Bene took up the grunt work and gutted and filleted them for us.

So, if you dare, I recommend either smoking the eels or frying them up in butter then baking them in garlic, lemon and butter until their skins are crispy. The result is an exquisite flaky, tender fish-like meat with no lingering fishy aftertaste.

South Island Shenanigans

On a clear day you can actually see the South Island from Wellington but the ferry has to navigate through fiords so the journey takes nearly three hours. The day we left the ocean was calm and sparkly as we slowly passed through its massive blue green waters, its sea fresh mist left salty promises on my smiling lips. Jagged kelly green mountains speckled with prickly pines and bright yellow bushes waved us toward them with massive slate arms. Oh to be away from that dreary city of gusts and drizzle!

Once off the ferry we raced through the snakelike overpass pulling over at each lookout, our cameras in hand eager to snap up everything like rabid Japanese tourists. The air smelled alive; bitter and sweet and lingering, dizzying and lovely.

We drove the Queen Charlotte Drive from Picton to Nelson and made our first night in a hostel that smelled strangely like my grandma's house. The weathered, friendly-eyed owner gave us a twin for the cheaper dorm price because he didn't want us to have to stay with a “bunch of blokes”. That night, as I watched the stars from my bed my mind ran rampant with verdant imagination. It feels like the start of an entirely new journey.

Chronicles of Wellington

We bid adieu to you, fair city by the sea and if you ever find yourself in Wellington, here is what I recommend you do and do not do.


Top 10+ Free/Nearly Free Things to Do

1.Wednesday BBQ at Cambridge Hotel on Cambridge Tce.- Come by six, buy a beer and receive a voucher for free BBQ.
2.BATS Theatre on Cambridge Tce.- Email staff saying that you would like to volunteer to sell concessions and in exchange see the play that night for free.

3.Te Papa & Museum of Wellington- Be sure to check out their special events/temporary exhibits.
4.Free Sausages- Every Friday from 10pm to Midnight near Vivian and Cuba (by school of Architecture & Design) sometimes you have to listen to the god spiel but usually it's bearable.
5.J.J Murphy's on Cuba St.- Rocks $5 Breakfast until noon on the weekends.
6.City Park flying fox swings- Up the hill on Brooklyn Rd. Free + dangerous = good fun.
7.Sunday Markets- Excellent, fresh, produce for wicked cheap. One market is alongside Te Papa on the waterfront, the other market is in a parking lot at the corner of Vivian & Victoria
8.Botanic Gardens- Flowers alongside the historic cemetery. Free
9.All-u-can-eat pizza- Mondays from six at Hell on Bond St. $12.
10.Free internet with the purchase of any beverage at Mon Ami on Bond St.
11.Spend the day reading magazines/books or napping in the spacious and awesome public library.
12.Grab a beer at Southern Cross and enjoy the garden patio for free.
13.Get a free newspaper at Te Papa.

Top 10 Most Overrated in Wellington

1.The zoo. It's cute and small and not worth $18.
2.Drinking on Courteney Place- Wellington's weekend meat market.
3.The Cable Car off Lambton Quay- You spend the majority of the ride under the highway's overpass or in a tunnel, “scenic” it is not.
4.Reading Cinemas on Courteney Pl.- Don't bother when you can go to the historical Embassy or Paramount theatres.
5.Pizza King on Taranaki St.- I feel fairly certain that they just warm up frozen pizza.
6.Matterhorn- It's pricey and pretentious.
7.The weather- It's rainy, it's windy, it's cold and after a few months it's depressing.
8.The Kumara- By far, the worst bar in Wellington, unless you like sticky floors and tweens.
9.Shopping on Lambton Quay- The most expensive rent in all of New Zealand leads to the most expensive shopping in all of New Zealand.
10.The Bungee swing on Taranaki- Lame and verifiably unsafe.

Top 10 Strange & Lovely Things in Wellington

1.Carlucci's Land at 64 Owhiro Bay Pde, Island Bay, - A bizarre, abstract metal sculpture garden located just outside the city.
2.Cuba St. on a weekend night. Grab a coffee at Midnight Espresso and watch the kids let their freak flags fly.
3.Check out the ominous metal tri-pod sculpture on Kent Tce & Courteney Place.
4.Alice's Bar on Forresters Lane- take a trip down the rabbit hole and definitely try the Lobster's Quadrille.
5.Karaoke Night at The Fringe on Cuba St.- dirty, grungy, completely absurd and awesome.
6.Lodge in the City at corner of Vivian & Taranaki come by and meet the craziest in Wellington.
7.Welcome Takeaways on Vivian- Literally a hole in the wall that's open arbitrarily. Greasy, cheap and delicious.
8.New & Used Bookstores all over the city- Find heaps of beautifully strange books.
9.Take a drive around the eerie abandoned army barracks that are now part of Weta Studios.
10.Do the Lord of the Rings Tour of Hobittown- If you are into that sort of thing.


Top 10 Must Do in Wellington


1.Te Papa on Wellington's waterfront.

2.Sweet Mother's Kitchen near corner of Kent Tce, & Courteney Pl.- Two words: Breakfast Burritos.
3.Cuba St. Coffee Shops- Cute, independent, quirky and cool. (Midnight Espresso, Espressoholic and Offbeat Cafe are my personal favorites).

4.Parliament Tour on Molesworth then drinking at Backbencher's afterwards- Your chance to rub shoulder's with government officials, or at least their scary busts bolted to the bar's walls.
5.Civic Square Art Gallery in Civic Square near the library.
6.Grab a $10 jug at the Kiwi Pub.
7.See a play.
8.Take a drive up the hills around Wellington and take in the lovely little seaside city.
9.Red Rocks- Seals!
10.World of Wearable Art- An absolutely spectacular fusion of art, performance and magic.

Fun Location Fact Friday

Take a deep breath...

And say this three times fast

Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu

which means

“The Brow of a Hill Where Tamatea, the Man with the Big Knees, Who Slid, Climbed, and Swallowed Mountains, Known as Land Eater, Played his Flute to His Brother.”

Got a nice ring, doesn't it?